A Dick Smith VZ200 without the Dick Smith (but with a serial port)

Australians! They walk among us! Do not be deceived by those charming faces!

They might be your parent! They might sleep in the same bed as you at night! A half-breed might write the very blog you read!

For the preservation of our precious bodily fluids, we must remove the scurrilous larrikin influence of Australia upon our American home computers, and I know exactly where to start! Why allow Dick Smith's name (even though he'd already sold Dick Smith Electronics' controlling interest to Woolies by then but stop ruining my intro) to corrupt this, um, rubber-keyed diminutive beige home computer when we can return it to its prior, pristine, plasticky state as it once rolled out from a glorious Asian factory?

Let us restore it to its purest virginal roots! Let this American, possibly sold in Canada, original of a Hong Kong-manufactured super-cheap home computer that was also sold in Europe but never mind that flourish once more!

... after, of course, we compare this seppo VTech VZ200 with the Dick Smith units and the bumper crop of crap American home computers in 1983, and fix the keyboard and video. Then, to avoid wrecking it with a botched logic board repair, we'll bolt on a USB serial port using the very latest peripherals from down under, write cycle-counted Z80 assembly language to blast data to it at 57.6kbps, and hack a few games. Because only this will make the VZ200 great again!